Hunger

It's 1:33 AM and yes, I have hours of final projects to work on tonight. But first there are words to be said.

Mainly this: the past months have comprised an unbelievably joyful and fruitful season. I've experienced depth with the Lord and sweet friendships and inexplicable joy in "the little things". So it doesn't really make sense that I should hit a rut, just now, at the start of summer and right before I leave for a mission trip to Tokyo.


It's a rut of distraction and struggle and disobedience.

It's waking, only to squander my morning and having to fight to pick up the Word.

It's choosing to let my own thoughts and desires drown out the Lord's voice.

And I guess I should know by now that the Lord is a God who hears. So when I pray for humility, I should expect that He'll take me through what it takes to grow in that. When I pray to know my need of Him, He'll certainly come through, though it might not be pleasant.

And that's where I am. Less than two weeks away from boarding a plane to Japan to take the good news of Jesus to hearts who long for Him, though they know it not. And the more I ponder it, I see how good it is that this is where Jesus has me right now: undeniably aware of my need of Him; utterly dependent on His grace; in desperation for His work in my life.

Because, though I'm foolish and forget sometimes, He is all I have; anything good in me is completely, solely Him. Heaven forbid that I should walk into this opportunity boasting anything but the Gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ. How good He is to remind me, even when the process is messy and not what I would have chosen. Surely His ways are higher than mine!

So, dear friend, take heart. Whatever season you're in, take heart. Know that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion.

Know that even when the process is messy and confusing and you're longing for clarity and smoothness, sometimes the blurriness and choppiness produce even better fruit. Sometimes it means that those things bring you to desperation for Him and that can be a good thing.

Remember that although it's uncomfortable, your desperation is a manifestation of hunger, and He says "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled."

Receive it. Believe it. His promises will never fail. And never, in all eternity, will He.

Be blessed,

Lindsey

The wonder of today and the wisdom of the slightly older

"I hate to put it this way," I said, "but I feel like we're high on life."

Em and I sat in her kitchen, painting, writing, munching on apples and drinking good coffee after a late night that echoed with the memories and craziness of junior high. Walking and talking, knee-deep in deep contentment and joy. A contentment that is heavy as lead and light as a feather at the same time. The kind that leaves you wondering where on earth it came from until you realize that, of course, the answer is Jesus.

"These are the good old days," we agreed. The joy of drinking in the spring air over a long walk, sleeping in and waking up to late morning light and a cat in my face, and lingering over a real breakfast did me in. Conversation marked by the goodness of the Lord, the sweetness of this season, this indescribable contentment, make "can you imagine this with a beau" moments fewer and farther in-between because just here and now, with friends or alone, is what we've got and what is wonderful.

Time and time again I am knocked down and amazed by the beauty of life and the possibility ahead.  Perhaps, especially with the coming of spring and all the new life it brings, the beauty here and now keeps hitting me in the face.  Everything from electric green fields and the absolute joy of a classic novel to enormous, blue eyes on the plump face of a toddler and people so beautifully vulnerable that they share their struggles through sobs in community without a second thought. Not to mention the spring air, for which I don't even have words because I love it so much.

As I drove on country roads under the clearest sky, crisp air flooding through the windows and getting lost in the music, I began to believe what they all say-- these are some of the best years of your life! Even being alone, left to my thoughts and fellowship with the Lord, I realized the wonderful freedom I have to come and go, up and leave, give and serve, see the world. I see how prime this season is and how deeply I want to live it fully. The words of the half-generation ahead of me rang in my head as I remembered the coffee dates and county walks and post-babysitting conversations where I heard them. Those words, more than any of revolutionary peers or popular voices, push me to act and inspire me to heed the voices that speak of a season already lived.

"Read books. That's not something you'll always have time for."

"Exhaust yourself for the kingdom. You have time and availability that has been and will be unmatched. Carry the burdens of the body of Christ. Feel the pain of the hurting."

"Spend time with your girlfriends. I know when I met my husband it was much harder to find time for them because I just wanted to be with him all the time."

"Take extended time with the Lord; go on a retreat with Him, even if it means giving up your own plans."

"Celebrate people well."

"Make time to hang out with kids while you're in college. It's so good for the soul."

It's their words that make me excited to make impact, to enjoy life, to love well. To make mistakes, because they're inevitable and because I'll need some nugget of wisdom to pass on to the next half generation (aren't mistakes the surest way to learn something?). I'm excited for fifteen years down the road someday, but right now I'm even more excited for walking in freedom and joy today. May we live in the fullness of life that He came to give us!

1.30.16

"Grace beyond imaginings can fall into open hands." Ann Voskamp

So much of life is push and pull, up and down, expectations met with reality. Seasons are always changing, lessons are always being learned. Sometimes growth comes in feast or famine proportions.

Recently, I've experienced so much of this. Stagnancy met with abundant life, good and hard days back-to-back, and more than anything, learning so much by walking with God. When you think about it, it's crazy that we get to walk with Him. Day in and day out. Forever. I feel like that is something He has been speaking to me over the past months. At first, I thought it was more of a literal answer confirming a rather big dream of mine-- walking 500 miles on a trail in Spain. But over time, I've seen that He just wants me (us!) to walk with Him, taking each day as it comes, and entering into friendship with Him.

Even in the past couple of weeks, situations have arisen in my life and heart that have required so much trust in Him. The grass looked greener elsewhere and everything in me was gripping the stubborn desire to have my way. The more unlikely it looked, the tighter I clung. Everywhere I looked, a good outcome seemed impossible, or at least highly unfeasible. And slowly, but very clearly, He showed me His unmistakable goodness. He reminded me of the story of Abraham and Isaac. I dug into it and He overcame my heart with hope as I studied this story of how Abraham made the biggest sacrifice he could have made, trusting God to provide as he followed with unflinching obedience. And when God saw that his heart was willing and his hands were open, He provided another way. Jehovah Jireh-- what a provider. In the midst of this learning process, He gently pried my hands open and through a series of events, gave me peace beyond comprehension. When all I wanted to do was to have my way, whatever it took, He moved in my heart, conformed my desires to His, and gave me the sweetest assurance of His good plans for my life.

"I guess it's funny, this twofold irony: greatest victory in my own defeat." (Roo Panes) It's true. When His purposes prevail, there is victory, no matter what state we're in or how far we land from our own plans. I'd encourage you to step out and trust Him, friends, and have your mind blown! I have a white knuckled grip like no other and have stuck to it. But the greatest joy I've experienced has come when I've trusted Him to pry my hands open and show me what I couldn't see. Watching Him provide in tangible, practical, and larger-than-life ways is so good.

In various breakdown, freak-out moments, I've also come to realize that I don't know what I want to do with my life. Relatable? It's hard to make heads or tails of our passion, skills, timelines, practicality, finances, and unknown factors of the future. Finally, I hit a point where I realized that the Lord isn't asking us to figure it all out. He never said "tomorrow is the day I have made; rejoice and be glad in it!" He said that of today. He calls us to faithfulness today and trust in Him for tomorrow.  All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:16 

He will provide.

He will heal.

He will lead.

He is good.



Yes, surely, He is good. 

These Days

These are days of 9 drafts in my blogger dashboard, 10 in my head, and always "something more important" to do.

These are days of a consistent 2AM bedtime and late night brainstorming as often as working on final drawings or process book. 

They're "the best days of my life" that look quite different from "normal".. but when I think about it, really, I  don't think I had any expectations for college life because, perhaps in the back of my mind, I knew that my experience wouldn't align with the status quo. 

These are "freaking amazing best day ever" days followed by "what is my life? I'm crying yet again and ugh, community is hard" days. Then repeat the cycle multiple times a week. 

These are days when my eyes are continually being opened to beauty and joy-- and that's the result of gratefulness... to quote Ann Voskamp, "Being joyful isn’t what makes you grateful… being grateful is what makes you joyful. That gratitude in our circumstances is as essential to our wholeness as any change in our circumstances.” 

These are days of living at home. Looking for greener grass some days, but seeing that it's all worth it when I hop a bus home and texts start flying about watching Gilmore Girls with my girls. And then I realize that the days of this season are numbered and once I move out, I probably won't move back in and full-fledged adult life will be upon me. 

These are days when I just want to "do all the things!" Like, literally, everything. I want to be a great designer, an intentional friend, start a small business, go hang out with that mama of many, spend extended time with God, dive into lifestyle photography, read 7 different books, educate myself on drawing, do yoga, walk every day, etc., etc. And alas, I am a finite human being, prone to distraction and procrastination and Instagram scrolling over world-changing. BUT I'm excited because this really is an opportune time of life-- being a single, young adult with relatively few responsibilities. I have "flex time" if I choose to seize it and make the most of these years. 

Sidenote to high school students and the like: I remember my high school days very clearly, specifically the feeling of being impatient for "the next thing". You know: college, dating, moving out, etc. But can I encourage you ever so slightly? Enjoy these years (!!!) I know they seem full and like you have "no time", but seize these days if you can and pursue what you love, go deep in friendships, seek to know the Lord deeply. I remember specific moments when, amidst our dreams of the future (which are not all too rare even today, if I'm being honest) my dear friend and I chose to really, truly enjoy being young; just being high schoolers. And it was so worth it. Sure, we're so glad to be in our own weird, unusual college life, but the fact that we chose to be present in such a short, sweet period of life is something we don't regret in the slightest. 

Over all, these are days of trusting the Lord day by day, trying to keep my eyes on today instead of tomorrow. It's hard to put it into words, but there's something about walking with Him that is so good. His goodness is so steady and near and makes me want to praise Him now more than ever. I hope that you can taste it too, friends.

Sola Deo Gloria!