It turns out that the only times I blog are the times I have no time to blog at all.
I suppose that might be because once it's past 1AM, I'm bound to procrastinate on something pointless like Facebook, and if I'm not going to sleep anyway, why not write?
It's simple, really. I don't have all that much to say. Here you go.
After almost three years, my time as a graphic design student is coming to a close. With less than a week until the climax of this whole adventure, I am finally feeling the stress that being a procrastinator eventually leads to. In the midst of this time, the busyness, the stress, the uncertainty and anxiety can fight to swallow up everything. With a large handful of unknowns ahead, it's easy to become anxious and catastrophize until I either cry or just say, "it's all gonna be okay." With desires that are growing and unmet, I'm prone to worry. Over and over and over, having to surrender, yield, trust in the Lord.
In all of it, it's just really easy to wind up in a worried, complain-y, exhausted, self-centered, Word-deprived, sleep-deprived, un-trusting ball on the floor.
And I hardly know how to say it-- how do you keep truth from becoming a cliche? Where are the words to describe it?
I'm at a loss, but this is all I know-- more deeply than my anxiety or uncertainties; more than my own pain or messiness-- that He is good.
He is good.
So, so good.
Really, truly, He is our sustainer. Our provider. Our savior. The truest thing I know. The most tender and loving voice. A God, not of coincidence, but of intention. A giver of good gifts. A giver of Himself. Present. Never leaving. Always calling. The lover of our souls. The One who satisfies.
He satisfies us because we were created to be satisfied by Him. Our souls were formed with an appetite that can only be cured by Him. Not by seeking the desires of our flesh, but by seeking His kingdom and righteousness we find that we are filled simply by seeing His face.
So I stop to reflect on this; to remind myself once again of His goodness. I look at these photos and see so many instances of His kindness to me. A million little graces. I see the God who speaks to me in songs and sits with me in my tears; the God who provides the little things that delight our souls; the God who gives us days that are less productive than we would like so that our souls can be refreshed by relationship; the God who has the best sense of humor. He is the One who shows us that He is better, and in experiencing that, we can say, it is well with my soul. Thy will, not mine.
So may we cultivate a heart of thankfulness in the face of chaos. May joy overrule our (my!) tendency to complain, and instead turn it into praise. May we find in Him rest for our souls.
Perfect peace, y'all. (Isaiah 26:3)
