It's 1:33 AM and yes, I have hours of final projects to work on tonight. But first there are words to be said.
Mainly this: the past months have comprised an unbelievably joyful and fruitful season. I've experienced depth with the Lord and sweet friendships and inexplicable joy in "the little things". So it doesn't really make sense that I should hit a rut, just now, at the start of summer and right before I leave for a mission trip to Tokyo.
It's a rut of distraction and struggle and disobedience.
It's waking, only to squander my morning and having to fight to pick up the Word.
It's choosing to let my own thoughts and desires drown out the Lord's voice.
And I guess I should know by now that the Lord is a God who hears. So when I pray for humility, I should expect that He'll take me through what it takes to grow in that. When I pray to know my need of Him, He'll certainly come through, though it might not be pleasant.
And that's where I am. Less than two weeks away from boarding a plane to Japan to take the good news of Jesus to hearts who long for Him, though they know it not. And the more I ponder it, I see how good it is that this is where Jesus has me right now: undeniably aware of my need of Him; utterly dependent on His grace; in desperation for His work in my life.
Because, though I'm foolish and forget sometimes, He is all I have; anything good in me is completely, solely Him. Heaven forbid that I should walk into this opportunity boasting anything but the Gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ. How good He is to remind me, even when the process is messy and not what I would have chosen. Surely His ways are higher than mine!
So, dear friend, take heart. Whatever season you're in, take heart. Know that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion.
Know that even when the process is messy and confusing and you're longing for clarity and smoothness, sometimes the blurriness and choppiness produce even better fruit. Sometimes it means that those things bring you to desperation for Him and that can be a good thing.
Remember that although it's uncomfortable, your desperation is a manifestation of hunger, and He says "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled."
Receive it. Believe it. His promises will never fail. And never, in all eternity, will He.
Be blessed,
Lindsey
